“They gave me such a strange look, as I sat in the chair. There was no mention of the fact I had disrobed as I walked into the room. The meeting at Walmart was about to get interesting.”
Lloyd Kaufman, President of Troma Entertainment and creator of The Toxic Avenger, was found in his house after being reported missing. “I’ve been here for 40 years.” stated Mr. Kaufman, after friends and well-wishers flooded his compuserve account with over 3 emails, some even marked urgent. “I didn’t know someone was looking for me, I was just walking to laundry-mat to do a load of whites when someone stopped me and said someone else was looking for me.”
It turns out that Lloyd had been in constant contact with friends via ICQ. As it happens one of his contacts died over 20 years ago and the other was an inmate pretending to be Kirk Douglas. “I was wondering why Kirk kept asking me to send him cigarettes and condoms.” Lloyd laments at the news that his communications have been pointless for the last 20 years. “Well, I have been here for 40 years, so if anyone needs me, here I am.”
TROMA Welcomes AUSTERITY!!!
In a bold slap in the face of the popular Hollywood tradition of carpeting the floor with investor money, Lloyd Kaufman President of Troma Entertainment and creator of The Toxic Avenger says “we are not carpeting the floor with investor money.” “Troma has always and will always take the stance for Austerity in Film making.” Shouted Mr. Kaufman from the bathroom. “You don’t see Limos parked outside.” Kaufman continued as after his 4th flush.
Mr. Kaufman continues as he washed his hands, “Troma will continue to make the films we want to make and not be servants to big investors or studios.”
“Austerity is why Troma is celebrating it’s 40th anniversary and Cannon, Orion and Vestron aren’t.” Kaufman yelled as he exited the building.
Lloyd Kaufman found unfit to run film studio!
Lloyd Kaufman, president of Troma Entertainment and creator of The Toxic Avenger, was found unfit to run his film studio Troma Entertainment. Mr. Kaufman was put on trial by the Producers Guild of America or “NOB POLISHERS” for short.
His trial lasted 2 minutes, which was enough time for him to come into the court room, stand for the judges and then was escorted out.
“It seems like they already made up there minds.” states Willie Blackman the courtroom janitor and only person who knew who Mr. Kaufman was.
Before the trial the tribunal of judges and the prosecutor were seen grab-assing in the hallway.
One studio executive seen smiling in the court room as Mr. Kaufman’s sentence was laid out said “I wouldn’t trust Kaufman to run a bath, let alone a film studio, I don’t care if Troma has been around for 40 years, and the company I ran went bust in the early 90’s. There is just no room in our business for a guy like that. I mean I would rather start and bankrupt studio after studio, as long as banks gave me credit, than run one independent studio that didn’t care about making mainstream films. Why cater to the fringe, they have no money.”
This Just in, last week. What the majors try to sweep under the rug, the People find, dust off and awe in it’s glimmering beauty. At some point before this article, the film Cabin In The Woods came out in the local cinema. Now it’s a talky and in color, but still it’s not half bad. The release of this film has brought to the fore-front another film, an earlier film, “There’s Nothing Out There”. “There’s Nothing Out There” was made over 20 years ago, by a young handsome film maker named Rolfe Kanefsky. (Rolfe disappeared soon after, but later emerged as power-lifting champion in Belgium.) TNOT brought a lot of fresh, original and innovative ideas to the tired horror genre just like the Toxic Avenger did (which I am forced to say or Lloyd will wallop me with a sock full of Tales From The Crapper DVDs). Now about 15 years ago, as our saga continues, “Scream” came out and people everywhere went nuts. Meanwhile the similarities between TNOT and Scream where very obvious and, I this award winning journalists opinion, I can see Kevin writing Scream while his Asst. transcribes TNOT off of USA Up All Night. The idea of one character being a video nerd who sees through all the typical Horror genre ploys. The realization by the characters that they are living a horror film. Only TNOT took it a step further and where “Cabin In The Woods” takes it also is adding that humor element. Now Dimension which released “Scream” along with the writer Kevin, did a full deny, deny, deny mode and thus TNOT never really got it’s day int he sun. This was just another typical move by a big studio, to cash in on an innovative idea, then gut it for the masses. It’s really terrible, It is like going to one of those pitch meetings and you bring a great original idea and pitch to the big wigs, and all they say is “oh we already have an idea along similar lines in production (which you know they don’t) and then BAM!!! 6 months later you see a terrible bastard version of your idea coming soon to the SYFY channel. Where was I? Oh yeah, and then I said “you can cram it with Walnuts buddy, cause I ain’t drinking that for a dollar.”
The latest news in Broadcasting… Troma Entertainment, home of the lovable Lloyd Kaufman and his creation The Toxic Avenger, has surpassed one million five hundred thousand views on there dedicated Comcast On-Demand channel. The Troma channel is available nationwide in most major cities and accessed through the “free movies” tab of your On-Demand menu. “This is definitely a strike for the true artist and under dog of the film making industry” Troma President Lloyd Kaufman quipped over his morning sit-ups. Mr. Kaufman continues “You can see the major studios start to sweat at the idea that a small independent company can take that many views away from there grubby little fingers.” Steve Burke CEO of NBCUniversal is quoted as saying “What’s a Toma?”
Whatever the future may hold in the age of computerized television, one thing is assured, Troma will be there.
Same old farts… To report the news we see fit and to give you the insights we want you to have. Plus Girls, lots and lots of girls.
It will be our job and our news teams job to give you the latest updates from the front lines, once a day. about the goings on at Troma. Not that you can’t see it all from our many Facebooks and Twitters, but we will dig deep into the stained, smelly sometimes sticky couch cushion of Troma and come up with the two cents you need to make it through the day.
The Troma Team may not like being under the public microscope, but we know you want every steamy detail, every sultry picture, and every measurement of a tromette.
But bare with us as we bare all, sometimes the news is not really exciting, fun or even news at all. You may not care that Lloyd has his old socks under his desk. You may not care that every office chair in Troma is broken and thus we all sit with our chins at desk level. Our maybe you do. We don’t care we will report it to you anyway.
So come join us on our journey through the back alley of Tromaville, you may get wet, you may get dirty, but as long as you read these pages you will paying attention to us, which is all we really want anyway.
-Editor and Chief